Sunday, December 28, 2008

i've been thinking bout my life

my dad doesn't work for goverment
but he is working for(i don't really know)
company which he will do a lecture,
and his paid is not high like the goverment

if someone buy the company's product then he will make a
and the profit is not 2 thousand but less than 2 thousand

and he trys to make money from others place like
joining one of his friend suggestions....

my mom is teacher,she been suffering from my stupid step-grandfather
debts(it's not 1 thousand but 6,000-10,000 thousand and it is not once but since my mum small and every year) .she been doing assignment and tuisyen even on night and work days and weekends my mom's salary every month only 3 thousand but her salary
had been cut because the goverment always cuted paid if the person have a house or credit-card to pay.all this time her money is not for me and her but for my
bloody hell useless step-grandfather.
i was confused all the time............

my mum have hot temper,maybe becuase she pressure too much since she small,
i just keep thinking wat can i do to get out of my miserable life......and help my mum to get out of her miserable mum is protectived,and it been cause by her life....she scared something happen to me........................
sometimes i pretend that anything is fine.................
i always stay tough in front my parents,i just couldn't cry in front of them and tell that how i felt about my life,because if i do,they heart will be in pain........

and for all the time,my mum and i never felt the true happiness,i confused even when i go to school i just pretend everything is fine.

and now my steep-grandpa is gone,he divorced wif my grandma...but our life is still the same,but i still thank god for making my grandma realise that my step-grandpa is useless...

and there's another big trouble come tis year,and it's really bother me,my mum
started to act weird tis year and i know it's because,she have done everything but then nothing is gonna change even if she do something,so maybe she thought she should enjoy life while she can...........i just been stuck by sadness,confussion and emptyness all my life............i felt i wanna die,just die,leave my life 4ever sometimes
but it burden my parents a lot more.

i'm not begging sympathy from people,i just wanna let it go on my own blog,if not,i might going crazy. i really hope i can change my life,bring my mum and my dad get out of their miserable life.
my miserable life makes me grow up more and learn not to waste money but save it,think about the consiquences be4 doing something and now i'm still deeling wif it...trying to find a way how make my heart strong when i felt hopeless without my parents and trying to find a way to get out of my miserable life.....



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